Caution

Isn’t it that when you made the decision to love and to be committed with someone, you also make an undertaking to stick with that someone through thick and thin? And that this commitment brings with it the effort not to make “pa-cute,” or at least not give a reason for anyone to believe that you are making “pa-cute” with someone else?

That is why, even before the time I decided to love and to be committed with someone, I already had this conscious effort not to associate myself too much with guys who are already attached. Assuming for the sake of argumentation that platonic relationships between me and these already-attached guys can exist, I prefer not to develop too much of that platonic relationship for delicadeza’s sake. I always put myself on the girlfriend’s shoes. What would she feel if she founds out that I am communicating with her boyfriend? How would she react if she finds out that a female like her is actually close to her guy? I did have a lot of close guy friends but once they found their special someone to love, I immediately put a distance between our closeness, respecting their girlfriends’ feelings. I respect their privacy and leave to them matters of their concern. I don’t interview them about their love life nor do I give suggestions, comments, and tips. I don’t believe in helping out for their relationship to work because the truth of the matter is, it is only the two of them who can make it work and an additional person meddling in their affairs would simply complicate the situation. I want them to discover more about themselves through themselves and not through me because I am neither the girlfriend nor the boyfriend. All these because I believe in delicadeza.

So, ever since then and until now, I have not been texting that much nor have I chatted with my sister’s boyfriend (even though there is his effort of getting close to our family), or my friends’ boyfriends or any guy for that matter.

It’s a personal decision I have, a long time ago, cautiously made.

 

Updates

Just in case people are wondering what I am up to, well, I got so sick. The pressure and anxiety of running a yearbook finally took its toll and rendered my whole body defenseless.

I haven’t fully recuperated but I am now making up for the one day that I missed this semester: 20 or so cases for Constitutional Law Review and two Articles of the Philippine Constitution.

It’s still the first three days of school but we already have tons of projects to do, volumes of cases to read and digest (more than a hundred for Tax, and an average of 30 per meeting for Consti) , and a kilometric list of terror teachers!

I keep telling myself that this is just one more semester to finish. But my cells are screaming that they want a semester off!

I want this!

I want to be happy so I’ll think about Christmas.

If anyone wants to be generous this holiday season, please know that I will gladly accept a copy of this: Mitch Albom’s Have a Little Faith! Thank you so much. Grant my wish and make a poor soul happy.

Patience Test

FYI, I did not volunteer for this post in the university yearbook. I just answered the written exam faithfully in the fear that my MassCom teachers will read it and they will decide to disown me should I not answer it well. In fact, I was a mess during the interview. I just wanted to save a few hundreds for a free copy so I applied for the College Editor position of SU Law.

I had a decision to resign but our good adviser and the Ed Board convinced me to stay.

And so I really stayed, even to the point of not having a semestral break. And juggling my time with yearbook stuff, Moot Court team research, and this new Salonga Environmental project in Leyte.

The latter two I can very well manage because my teammates and workmates very well know the word ‘responsibility.’

That’s why whenever I give instructions in our yearbook meetings, I immediately assume that everybody will be able to come up with the expected output at the expected time. If my instructions do not work, then I expect them to be resourceful and innovative in doing their own initiative to try an alternative way.

For me, we know our responsibilities and we’re of legal age to discern what is right and wrong. I don’t need to prod them on their assignments.

But I am forgetting that they are way younger than me. So I pray for patience, lest I burst into my temper tantrum.

And oh, I am also disappointed in the fact that right now, I could not see the vibrancy of a Christian life in someone I thought was living the faith.

So, I revise my prayer. Dear God, bless me with more, and more and more patience.

 

Thankful

I just realized that I am not perfectly happy but I am extremely, extremely thankful for everything.

Here’s to a good and meaningful life!

Just One

One more exam..and I still have Portal matters and Moot stuff to think about.

Good Lord, I hate to think of the possibility that I won’t be having a semestral break at all. Noooo! Please…I refuse to consider that option. I seriously need a break.

Breathe

Breathe, brain, breathe…

I have a weekend to study for Civil Law finals, think about Portal matters, and be creative with something.

A Longing and An Irony

I fell in love with words the moment I first got hold of a newspaper, fresh from the press, my nose loving every scent of its smell. I was about four or five then. Two years later, I fell in love with writing the moment I learned to construct sentences on my second grade. I loved writing my thoughts. So, I made my first fairy tale about a child named Rosa who had a beautiful magic rose.

And, from then on, I dreamt of having the power to make people scream, laugh, cry, or be scared with the words I have written.

So you see, writing is the earliest tangible form of love I have ever known. It was there long before I learned what love is. It’s embedded in my life, in my mind, in my heart, in my soul. As a friend wrote, it started as a hobby. Then, it became a passion. Later, it became a lifestyle. And it has since then become my life.

I just find it ironic that on days that I am extremely bored and I have nothing to do, I could not write even a single sentence.

And now that I have things to prioritize, there is this sad longing to fire on my keyboard and fill the blank screen with words–words straight from the heart, words long left unsaid, words that were nowhere to be found during those free times that I got.

It’s  an uncontrollable urge to write that makes me restless and slow in studying for the final exams. It is an addiction I cannot get rid of.

It’s my inner soul that yearns to be out, my other life that has been long tamed since I started law school.

To some, it may be a curse. But I chose to use it as a blessing.

So, I write.

Why I still love law school…

We still manage to smile and joke around even though we just had the toughest and longest exam (in the shortest time schedule) with our Judge-teacher known to fail everybody.

And we have smart quips and punchlines, too! A few examples are:

“Withdraw as counsel because I do not know what to do.” (Meant as a comic answer right after exam to a question which says, “What would you do as A’s counsel?)

“Hire a legal researcher.” (My hirit to the question above.)

“Maayo ra jud wala pa ko ni-apply for graduation kay ako pa unya to ipa-rescind.” (Roughly translated: It’s a good thing I haven’t applied for graduation yet; I might have it rescinded.)

“Graduates from the College of Law…Silence. Okay, let’s now proceed to the School of Medicine.” (Our guy classmates’ joke over the no-Law-graduates-graduation next year.)

And the most hilarious one: “Pag-ampo ra jud mo na makapasar ko kay ako ra ba jud gi-pray na Lord, if mahagbong ko, hagbonga silang tanan.” (Pray that I will pass ‘coz my prayer was “Lord, if you fail me, then, fail ‘em all, too!”

Despite these shallow comments and the loud laughters, we know that deep inside, each one of us is maintaining a small–eventhough just a dot–flicker of hope that we will all pass.

So, pray for us.

So what if distance separates us?

The feelings don’t change over time or space.

It was a decision. And a risk. Both worth taking.