“Going a little farther, he (Jesus Christ) fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26: 39)

For somebody like me who has been “independent to the point of being stubborn” (Kuya Moe’s assessment of my personality through my handwriting one summer night at Sted’s some years ago), it is very difficult to trust someone, or anyone for that matter, for things about my life. One, there is the issue of trust. It’s hard to trust anyone these days. Second, there is this fear of inadequacy or complacency. And so I entertain myself worrying too much even on the simplest details of the smallest things. I always have Plan B to back up Plan A, or Plan C to back up Plan B and the list goes on. I always analyze and analyze further every thing in my life. I can not just simply let go of a plan without ever stressing myself, to the point of getting sick, literally and figuratively. I cannot submit to someone else’s judgment for something that belongs to my life, much less surrender my plans to any one.

In short, I want to be in total and complete control of my life.

Yet, this is not what God is telling me. More often than not, His gentle Spirit would rebuke me and remind me that He is in Charge–that it is not me but Him. He is the Master of my ship, the Captain of my soul. It is His will, not mine.

Human as I am, I still find myself debating with my Lord on certain matters, always justifying myself, always finding an excuse to have it my way. In this chapter of the Gospel though, the Lord Jesus Christ reminded me on how important it is to be obedient to His will. Yet, I agree with the message two Sundays ago.  ‘Thy will be done, Lord’ is the most difficult prayer to pray.

First, it involves a surrender of the will. My human nature has trained me to just rely on myself but God wants me to have confidence in Him. To be able to walk the path of obedience and humility, I have to acknowledge that God has a perfect plan for me and His plans are always better than mine.

Second, this involves a surrender of the soul. My human side wants me to fully enjoy life my way because I need to have the best out of it. But this is not so with God. Our life on earth is but temporary and the real joy lies in heaven with Him. So as to be able to do His will, I need to think more than just earthly happiness but the everlasting joy of sharing eternal salvation with the Lord in heaven.

Third, this prayer needs firmness and commitment. Even when others fail or even if fellow Christians themselves would try to pull me down (which is happening, really), I need to stand for my faith and just continue to put my trust in the Lord. In the further verses, Jesus Christ warned his apostles that they should always be alert and ready. That they should pray so as not to fall into temptation and away from His will.

Lately, I have been faced with difficult decisions involving following God’s will or having it my way. In this struggle, it is easy to fall prey to the temporal happiness that the world can offer. Yet, it is comforting to know that God the Father sent His Only Son to die for sinners like us. The Lord Jesus Christ became a human being so He knows the suffering of every human being in following the Father’s will for us. In verse 37, the Bible tells us that Jesus was filled with anguish and deep distress. He knows how hard it is to say “Thy will be done” yet He continued praying and trusting. It is also the same for us. But we can come to the Lord Jesus Christ and He will comfort us and equip us to do God’s will.

And so I end this entry with the confidence that the Lord God will help me in doing His will every step of the way. And everytime I feel discouraged and distressed, I recall one of my favorite verses: “My mind and my body may grow weak, but God is my strength; he is all I ever need.”  (Psalm 73:26)

*Pastor Andy’s message at DCC two Sundays ago, with my own reflection

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